that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
