what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
