I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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