Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
