I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
