I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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