Got a toothbrush?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
