Who wears a wallet chain?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
