I need to stop coming to work sober
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
