I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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