tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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