That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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