I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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