Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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