two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
MIDGETS
????
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
