just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
