The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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