And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize