hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
