Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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