also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize