She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
