It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
