Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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