nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
