yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
