Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
