He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
