i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
