you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
