i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
