its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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