I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
