So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
