This is not my ceiling
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
