She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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