i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
