New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
