last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
