I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
