...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
