I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
