i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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