the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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