I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I party with great urgency now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
