My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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