Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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