I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
