So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
