try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
