Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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