There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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