So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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