dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
