very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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