You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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