I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
