Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize