I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
