Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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