Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
