I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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