yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
