U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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