dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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