This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
