heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
