i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
