My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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